Transformation

Arise, shine; for your light has come!
And the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

~Isaiah 60:1

Image Credit: Unknown

For the past few months, I have been rediscovering my faith. I am what's commonly referred to as a "born-again Christian". My journey didn't start off easy. On October 1st of 2012, my younger sister Leslie, was killed in a horrific head on collision with a drunk driver. She was only 25 years old, 6 months pregnant with her second child, a precious little boy named Shelby & a wonderful mother to Rhiannon, who turned 7 just a month after Leslie's death. My sister had been on her way to work at St. Dominic Hospital where she worked the night shift as a Certified Pharmacy Technician. I had just moved to Southern California one week to the day, before the accident. I was in a place that I feel God put me on purpose, to ease the insanely painful phone call that I would receive about 3 hours later that night. I was sitting on Pismo Beach, beside a cozy campfire, listening to the beautiful sounds of the ocean waves. Nothing could have ever prepared me for the words I heard that night when I got a call from my mom around 9:30 that night (11:30 CST was the time at home, where she was calling from). It wasn't even my mother on the phone. My mom later told me that she just couldn't tell me herself. It was a woman named Natalie, whom I'd never heard of or met before, but she knew my sister & had come upon her accident that night. I freaked out, screamed at her, cussed her, accused her of lying to me. I demanded to speak to my mother, who confirmed what the woman had just told me. I lost it then. I don't remember much after that, aside from falling out of my chair & nearly into the campfire right beside me & ripping off my hat & jacket because I sudden;y felt so hot I thought I was going to melt. My sister & I were closer than anything, we were thick as thieves. A part of my heart was shattered & I will never get it back.


The next week was a huge blur of emotions, planning & arguing. When it was over, I immediately immersed myself in keeping so busy, that I didn't have time to truly just let go & break down & let it all out. It was nearly 2 months later, at the end of a road trip across the country & a break-up that landed me back home in the South, that I realized how broken I was. I was angry. I was angry at the man who killed my sister, at my sister for not being late like she usually was & at God, for allowing this to happen. I needed someone to blame, or else I couldn't deal with it, or anything else. Finally, I couldn't handle my anger anymore & I sought out to talk to our former pastor, Brother Ed Hauser, who was also 1 of the 2 people that officiated my sister's funeral services. I told him I needed to find peace. I needed to make peace with God & be forgiven for blaming Him. He prayed with me & talked with me for a long while.


Later that night, something inside me felt different. I felt a calm I hadn't felt in such a long time. The next day, I began to pray again. I picked up a book, which I recommend to anyone facing a serious crisis in life or swimming in grief & confusion as I was. The book is HELP ME, I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up by Bishop T.D. Jakes. Since the end of November, my love for God & his word, have been steadily restored. I am growing stronger in my faith every single day now. I feel that I have purpose, that I have meaning & that I will heal.


Thanks to renewing my faith, I was unafraid & ready when I got the news a few weeks later, that my kidneys had finally failed & I must start dialysis. During my weeks in the hospital leading up to that news, I watched a lot of late night tv & started watching Pastor Joseph Prince, since I wasn't physically able to go to church. There is no doubt in my mind, or my heart, that God put this man in front of me to learn about His grace & the unmerited favor we receive from our amazing God. Pastor Prince really puts things into terms I can understand & related to. He is a moving speaker, an eloquent writer & I only wish I was able to attend his church. Since his church is located in Singapore, that would prove a little difficult though, lol. I will continue to attend his services through YouTube & Podcasts. I hope to get some of his books soon, namely Destined to Reign & Unmerited Favor. I do own a CD set of his powerful sermons, now I need a CD player for my car so I can listen to them in peace & quiet.


Which brings me to the verse at the heading of this post. I feel like it spoke to me very personally when I came across Joseph Prince's blog entry entitled "There Is Just Something Special About You" where that verse was the subject of discussion. The concluding thought on this post was "People of the world are drawn to the glory of the Lord which has risen upon you!". In the past 2 months, since I received the Lord as my Savior again, people have commented to me about being different, seeming happier, more confident, smiling more. I have been shocked at how obvious it seemed to others that I had the light of Christ in my heart & soul again. I've truly begun to feel alive in a whole new way, even when my health is at it's worst! I've even begun to share my love for Christ with others, which I've never been able to do before & it feels amazing to not be afraid to prove my love & faith in God. It is just so true that my light has come back to me & the glory of the Lord is steadily rising upon me.


Before I go, I'd like to thank a few of my friends, who have definitely been there for me & helped me along on my journey with God. Two of them have amazing blogs of their own, so I hope you will pay them a visit. They are Angieleigh from Once Upon a Book & Chrissy from Chrissy, Inspired. Chrissy also has an amazing blog dedicated to dog rescue, namely of the terribly misunderstood pit bull terrier, The Lazy Pitbull. The other is my amazing friend Mandee, who is my daily inspiration to keep trying & not give up. We decided we would be on this journey together & it feels great to have such a great friend to go down this path beside me!! Thank you so much to all 3 of you ladies. I couldn't do any of this without your support, friendship & fellowship!!